Friday, December 26, 2008

Forever guessing,
wondering why I'm sitting here waiting
Waiting for you to call,
for life to happen
for whatever it is that I need to find
To come into focus
Every thing's a blur.
I'm trapped in the dizziness
Of this selfish human life
I want people to feel loved
just by looking at me
I want to be able to make everyone smile
I don't want to be a cause of pain,
but a cause of change
for myself
and others
I want my blood to flow thick with hope
and happiness
An understanding of this world 
and how I want my world to be within the one I was forced to live on
Distance seems so inadequate,
so many faces I've never seen and will never see
So many stories I will never hear
Even if I do travel the world, I will still be missing billions of stories
of theories, of causes, and of love
I'm tired of feeling guilty to others and to myself
for living  on auto-pilot for so long
I'm going to experience things
and I'm not letting you go
I have a connection here on earth 
And I'm not willing to throw it away
Because of distance. 

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Although it hurts
I believe every thing's going to fall into place
Distance can't break a connection
between souls, between a bond so strong
I am stronger than my heart leads me to think right now
I know I can do whatever it takes
What is right for me will come in time
I will know what to do
I will know how to live
An invisible hope surrounds my mind
Suffocating me in optimism
Enabling me to breath in the thought of your smile
Bringing one to my face
Even through my sadness
I have faith that happiness will find us
Our souls will continue to grow 
No matter where we physically stand in this world.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Words unsaid
The truth bleeds out,
but continuously falls short.
Fallen lives, fallen dreams, fallen morals
Stale words in the backs of peoples' heads
Billions of people
with trillions of thoughts
If we would just all say how we really feel
Make a change when we feel the need
Would those stale words in the back of our heads
be replaced with bullets?
Too afraid to live our lives,
Our existence is wasting away.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Inconsistent thoughts
Meanings that switch, off and on
Circling around my head,
my body
Pulling at every limb
Separating my joints,
my tendons over-stretched.
As much as this world pulls me apart
My soul stays intact.
The hurt lingers on,
What purpose do I hold?
Who will accompany me through this anxiety-filled, questionable life?
Will my morals, my dreams continue to fill my brain
my heart, my actions?
Or will I forever be alone, hoping to meet someone to share these things with?
Will I settle with conforming?
My beliefs, stored away in a dusty box, in the back of the attic of my mind?
No, my conscious will never let me live that way... I will always be searching,
always be waiting, unless I find what I know I want.
Inhale; exhale
Inhale; exhale
I'll just get used to waiting.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I thought there was more to this
than a simple "one time" sort of thing
I thought there was something beautiful
a feeling of goodness
Yes, confusion is involved
as it always is when something somewhat new is sprouting
The changes have been made
I will never be the person you used to know 
My moods, my motives, have shifted
Away from control
Away from judgement
I am a positive beam of light now
I'm not saying that I'm not sad,
My heart is dizzy from spinning so much
going up and down in increments so fast,
I can hardly remember where it was last
But what touches me is just looking at your smile
Your touch,
the conversations,
The simple things
Those are the things I want.
The things I love.
Complicated immaturity
has been left in the dust
I would never go back to that.
But I see something, in the new,
the changes, they draw me in
If I could be with that smile
that touch,
those conversations
without barriers, quarrel, and immaturity
There would be nothing holding me back
Maybe it's not me that has held onto the past,
maybe it's not you either
I'm not sure what it is,
but I know that what I feel isn't just  a trip,
an opinion, a overexageration
What I feel is true
It is deep, new even
It's the feeling I've been waiting to feel
And I'm sure it has something to do with the changes I have felt growing within me
Out onto the surface, 
my changes noticing yours
Smiling at each other, even when trying to hold back
I won't stop smiling, not when I have the simple things
The simple things with you
Even if things aren't solid, or definite
The simple things don't have to be complicated
They aren't going to hold us back
I won't hold you back anymore
I will help push you forward,
while smiling at you by your side
or from afar
My smile is a result of you, 
your simple actions which show no fury
no tangles, no worries
I just don't want to lose yesterday
Simply yesterday with you,
I would be satisfied with that.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What is it about society that makes it so attractive to most people?
Is it the corrupted media?
The desire to be an exact replica of the person next to you?
The love of being surrounded endlessly by buildings towering over you,
appearing to judge you for being so small?
Drones walking around acting superior
Treating the ones that are different like dirt
What is so wrong with having individual thoughts? theories? actions?
This beautiful world has been over swept with ugliness, hate, and destruction
The trees which help us to breath in life, are cut down only for our love of fast-food industries,
meat, and money.
The water which keeps us alive is contaminated with pesticides, power which seeps deeper than the roots of the plants we call food
We are poisoned not only physically, but mentally.
Money RULES what we make of our lives.
Happiness is not impossible, but we need a change
I have made a pact to myself and this world that we live in
I will not promote the corporate hell that runs our nation
I will stand behind local farmers, rainforest alliances, and organic products.
I will NOT fall down anymore.
I am motivated and this bullshit society will not stop me now.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

writing you letters
that i'll never send
you'll never see
the things i cannot say to you any longer
filling up pages and pages
i could write a book full of my feelings
but for now, i will keep them to myself
at least i'll try
for your sake
you need your time
your space
and it does hurt, but you mean enough to me
that i can try to help to remain silent
at least for now
so that we can start over
and that you can find your place in this world
but i hope you know 
that you will always have my feelings 
if you want them
whether they're hidden in a box
or filling up my notebooks
stacked high against my walls
or being created into a book, a work of art
my soul will always find you amazing and beautiful
no matter if we're together or not
there is no one in existence identical to you
i can say that without ever meeting more than 1% of the population
because there is no way there is another you
just like there is no way that there is anyone exactly like me out there
at least that's a bit of freedom, knowing that much
in this monotonous world
i hope you can find happiness and i hope that i can too
and whether it be as friends or more,
i hope that our happiness can always be connected

Saturday, November 29, 2008

if you judge those who surround you
and the world
you must think yourself superior
which has no truth to it at all.
no one is superior to anyone else
our souls are equally divine,
equally beautiful
and equally individual
our judges are based on appearance.
on the physical matter of this world
and we can only judge with our physical matter.
if we lived through our souls,
judgement would not exist.
our souls transcend judgement, society, and comparisons.
we are but one wholly original mass of love, grace, and honesty
separate, we are individuality of all sorts, but none of which are negatively bound.
our souls have the ability to help us grow
and help us find our true human meaning
free from the hate and the constant struggles we find ourselves in
there is happiness in everything. 
you can't ignore the ugly society which surrounds you...
you must find a way to live amongst the hideous, 
but let your inner-beauty shine brighter 
than the darkness which covers our land
change is where the soul is
and happiness is where the change lies
we must be honest with ourselves.
love ourselves and others. for their souls.
for simply EXISTING.
there is no reason not to love.
love is a bit of heaven.
while loneliness is a bit of hell.
society teaches us to be selfish
and selfishness leads to loneliness.
we must love one another 
and after we have found out individual happiness,
we must share it with everyone.
selfishness is the downfall of man.
dishonesty, lies, and independence
(independence based on selfish desires to live without sharing your love and beauty with someone else)
positivity is key to a healthy world
and society is anything but positive.

Friday, November 28, 2008

i've been distracting myself from the constant pain
by surrounding myself with those who know me best
i told you i had given you all of my love
and that you had taken my entire heart
i still feel the hurt, the emptiness i felt
when our three year relationship brutally ended
but i have realized that my heart is a never-ending
producer of love
my love will never stop.
my love has been radiating out of my tired body
and into the hearts of my friends
my family, the ones that are here to help me and love me no matter what
i'm not saying i am hurting any less
because losing you is the hardest heartbreak i've ever had to deal with
but at least i know that through no matter what,
my soul will never stop loving.
i will never be able to give out "too much"
like i thought i had
if there was a limit, then what would love be?
just another norm set by society
the only thing that should rule love is what lies within us
we must have a never-ending supply 
or else love wouldn't be love.
marriage fails because people only give what they think is fair
when love ISN'T fair
Love ISN'T logical.
not only does one have an infinite amount of love to give,
but has the capacity to receive this same infinite love
we trap ourselves into thinking we don't deserve the love we receive
or that we can only "give so much"
which to some extent is true, but the truth is
love is ever-lasting, never gone, and will never die.
love thrives deeper within us
and outlives our frail bodies' by being infinite.
if our supply of love never-ends, then time has no limit to this love, either.
it's all about the soul, what's inside.
it's not physical or rational.
i hate how society has taught me to only give as much as i receive... 
because i have never been able to do that. i've always given more and for some reason felt guilty.
i should always give more and hope that someday the person i love will realize that they have this ability to infinitely direct love my way.
i know i can have this.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The song circling itself inside of my head
Replaying each word
The dizziness, overwhelming
The thoughts in my head
Drowning me beneath the fog
The unknown
I am alone
Beneath this vacillating uncertainty
The words fail to spill out;
Physically, each word falls down
each cheek, as the anxiety-filled liquid
wells up in each topaz-colored eye
"This loneliness is suffocating
these thoughts are burying me alive."
The sun shines through each gap between each blind.
My face appears dry,
yet layered with the moisture of my tears.
Each tear watering the seed of a new thought
A re-newed feeling of desolation
Each one, growing deeper than the last
The roots wrapping themselves around my body, my mind
Choking, pressing harder
The words will forever fail to be heard
If keeping my mouth shut comes so easily,
why can't I cut off my mind from these thoughts?
The reservoir has crashed over
Thoughts filling up each and every space, each second
that I thought I had to breath, now gone
Three words well over
The words I was dreading to hear myself say
"You are alone."

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Monday, October 20, 2008

Thoughts forming within the brain
Filling up the mind
The eyes
Each thought, pouring out
They're streaming down your face
Over the mouth that you have kept quiet
And onto the ground
Tears filling up every hole
On every pathway
Puddles of forgotten hopes
Ideas drowning themselves
In the flooded despair of locked up truth
A shattered skull leaving the brain unprotected
The mind, filling up with endless possibilities
Will we still fit together when we're no longer broken?
Our hands are interlocked so tightly, I think we will
It is possible this is a stairway leading to nowhere
but it's better than no stairway at all
Trying to make time go by faster with my mind
The clock ticks steadily, but it seems to be going slower and slower
With every breath I take, time slows, I'm sick of this
Waiting for the truth to bleed out from inside
Can someone be patient for an eternity?
Heavy breathing, panic
The end is a lonesome mystery
And with every end lies a new beginning
With no answers
How are we built to handle the never-ending questions?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Collect your thoughts
Constantly overflowing onto the ground
Each idea implanting itself
A seed with exponentially flawed growth
Lost within the roots
A glimpse of light revealed
Lifting its limp leaves closer
Towards a brand new day
Where a hand will hold you up high
There's more to the world than this
One day love will peek through the crack in the door
And engulf your pain
Take it all away

Monday, September 15, 2008

Wounded together
Breaking apart
Temptation leaks out like a poisonous gas
Filling up the room
Each particle reaching out for you
Hold your breath
Don't let it kill you
Run to where the your life meets a change
Each branch of self-worth growing
Closer and closer towards the sun
Positive light injects itself within you
And those around you realize
The truth, which is revealed
Clenched teeth form a smile
Radiating love in every form
Muted societal pressure
You're in control
Your depression washed away
By your tears of self-renewal
The barrier dissipates
You're free

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My eyes are wide with concern
Muted by this lack of natural beauty
All color, all wonderment washed away
By the break down of the roots
From which this world became
The roots that were once so strong
Shriveled up underneath the concrete
This false foundation
Just doesn't hold my footprints like the soil
Which once held the roots
to my very being
The stubborn imitation of the stone that once was
The real beginning
Plants weaving their way through the cracks in the street
Half-faded, the sun blocked by the street signs
The buildings towering above
The trunks of the trees older than our minds
Shrink underneath technological advances
A cool breeze puts shivers down my legs
While my palms are warm with sweat
My anxiety melts through my skin
My fingerprints produce tears
My eyes too tired to care
Too tired of the repeated scenery
I need to get out of here
Walk until my feet are blistered and bare
Where the roots are plugged into the ground
Intertwined between my toes
And the wires of the past cut short
My heart remains within the trees
Each ring gives me comfort
Each branch, welcoming me home

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

It's so hard to feel like an individual in this world
Each going down a separate path
Twists, plateaus, U-turns, unexpected accidents, surprises, rage,
Each of us following similar, yet different routes
All leading down one long-winding road
A dead end every time
Some afraid of the death which we know inevitable
While others accept the unknown
My life is equal to the lives of others
I am just a photo copy of what's expected of me
School smarts are inlaid within me
Does that make it right?
My instinct tells me there's more to life than this path I'm following
A way to pave my own
Forever criticized by the stereotypes
They think they're smarter and more prepared
This world wasn't created on textbooks and money
I pray to God that I will figure out this mystery
Before it's too late
My life cannot be washed away without this change
My faith leads me away from what's common and comfortable
Where love overcomes this curtain of lies
Where the trees reach farther toward the sky than the buildings in the skyline
My eyes sigh with this lack of natural beautiful
There's more to this than what surrounds me
The truth lies within my soul

I wonder what it would be like
To live in a world
Where I'm not constantly reminding of myself
If my intentions
Were to create a change
For others
Maybe I would love
Instead of being a product
That keeps falling apart
My pieces taped together
An optical illusion
Diverting attention
Away from my imperfection
If only I could change the world
For you
Caring more about ending the pain in this world
My pain would slowly dissolve
Away my insecurities
My soul thrives for more than this world
Full of questions
I am ready to seek the answers
Irrational love from the population
Out of this comfort zone
Stepping over the line
Self-addiction no longer rules my mind
No longer prone to love the meaningless lies of this world
My faith giving me a reason to love
Instead of a reason to judge and hate
Loving people just because they exist!
In this complicated mess of a world