Thursday, March 31, 2011

we just gotta be honest with each other and not play games

he told me if i wanna call.. i should call
not try to figure out whether or not i should

i think you gotta keep stressing it
and find away to say how it makes you feel that makes him wake up

i guess you gotta decide if thats something you can handle
cuz i dont know if its gonna change..
maybe you could even ask him about that
he keeps saying he will
like if thats something you have to just learn to cope with
cuz when i talked to kelc about smoking

have you said that you dont like feeling one sided on the comm thing?

i just want to make it work, but to make it work we have to communicate and we both have to feel like we're important
ya i think thats a good thing to say to him
that right there
less about him doing something wrong..
more about.. you guys being more connected and continuing to grow your relationship in the right direction

yeah, especially while i'm in indiana, the communication is so important because that is all we have right now
and.. its good practice
cuz.. if this continues.. he'll tour again and no matter where either of you are, communication will be necessary
i mean.. if you guys are thinking big picture.. then.. thats how you gotta look at everything

and i feel like he thinks little things are big things
but they're not
maybe just some re-phrasing will help him with that.. like i said.. focusing on your relationship vs. him "failing"

you gotta learn to speak his language i think

I need you to try and not shut down when I'm trying to fix things or talk about things.

yeah that is a problem of mine. i think in "what ifs"
you gotta think in.. what is
esp with them being gone so much

and then.. when i finally get a good long skype or something, i just tell him... i have a list of things i wanted to remmeber to talk about with you

i don't feel like a priority. i feel like he's putting off calling me.

I'm willing to make this work. I'm willing to start fresh, not hold any of these instances against you. I just want to know that you want to try too. Decide what needs to be done to make things better and let's stop repeating the problem.
My heart is beating. Anxiously holding back my tongue as the words build up. Silence is like drowning, holding one's breath. My heart is beating. In silence, time stops. The anxiety of choosing the right words becomes more unbearable than the spaces between them, so the silence remains. What if there are no words to fill this void? We will have to create a new language or post an S.O.S. that no one will hear. "Save our silence!" we scream inside our heads, but the words dissolve before any ears are reached. We continue to sink. Our hearts are beating and our chests are heavy. Are we drowning from the weight of the words we are holding back or from the weight of their absence?