Monday, June 29, 2009

I'm as real as I've ever been
I can't help that I'm speechless
My words turn to dust once I open my mouth
Collecting on old pictures
They're all in the past now
Rip the memories of me up,
throw them away,
Just go on and forget my existence

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wondering what thoughts are going through the minds of the hundreds of passerby's
We're all looking for something, or someone
All lost in our own minds
Curious as to how many faces I've passed that I've never really seen
While we're all looking for love in all the wrong places
Searching the eyes of thousands of faces
Counting each second until we find what we think we're looking for
All time stops until we must say goodbye once again
Each moment slips through my fingers as quick as sand,
smooth, silently collecting into a pile on the floor
A pile of memories, the moments we've shared
I keep them in my mind on speed dial
Yet you never feel quite close enough
Eventually the wind carries them all away

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Searching for the way I feel
is like trying to find a needle in the hay
I wish I could pick myself up out of bed
Lift one foot and then the other
Walk until I'm running
Force each breath in and back out again
Crash down into more pieces than I'm made up of
Too broken to be put back together
Eventually my pieces will fade in with the ground
And I'll disappear once again
My teeth aren't smiling,
they're clenched tight waiting
for you to grab ahold of me
Shake me free of the anxiety
Take it all away
Let me open my eyes and see you
Respond to my prayers
My fingers will remain intertwined
until I find hope again

Thursday, June 18, 2009

My mind is as made
as the sheets on my bed
Remaining touched only by my sleeping body, alone
I wake up every night dozens of times
Tossing and turning,
so many words to say
and no way to say them
We're in a room full of conversations
That we're not having
The words remain behind our eyes
Can you read me?
The words remain unspoken until we're too far away from each other to hear
Each letter falls to the floor before they travel the distance
Being swept into too much of a disarray to be arranged back into their initial meaning
My tongue remains tied,
double knotted with uncertainty
Your taste in my mouth has faded
Just like it always does
Although it certainly comes back in time
This dedication is intriguing
I do not hear you enough,
Your voice is beautiful
Time is passing too slow again,
like we're on two trains going in opposite directions
It all starts to blur together
I don't want to become the path I'm following
Blank papers sit, waiting for my words
Love letters that remain unsent
Yet to be written
I want to pull at my thread
Unravel myself back to the beginning
Start all over again

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

How frequently you come across my mind
It's almost as if you don't leave
You've taken up a permanent residency behind my smile
When I see beautiful things,
I think about how I want you to see them too
Driving at midnight past fields full of fireflies
One by one they light up the night sky
How badly I want to get out of the car
and lay there all night just staring up at the lights
It's so much more beautiful out there than it is staring up at my ceiling
I want to let go of being boxed in
I want to run away
For once, I want to be the one that's leaving.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The truth is no matter how much a person claims that they're not afraid, it's a lie. Everyone is afraid to some extent. If you're human, you have the capability of hurt, of heartbreak, of loss. One word can completely change what kind of day your having. One person has the capacity to reshape the way you feel about yourself. Of course we're all scared, because we know that we're risking ourselves for the sake of happiness and for the sake of someone else's happiness. We want so badly to protect ourselves from the hurt that we protect ourselves from what good could come out of these situations as well. You cannot defend your heart from breaking without keeping yourself from really falling in love. If we would all just admit that we're scared of failure, of complete and utter heartbreak, we would be able to love with all of our hearts. Knowing that taking that risk is worth it just for the chance of maybe, just maybe falling in love with someone. There are always going to be roadblocks making us feel that our happiness is out of reach, but without these challenges, we wouldn't be able to know what it feels like to overcome. We all know how it feels to achieve something independently; imagine getting over these road bumps with someone on your side. Love is worth taking the risk. Let yourself fall.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It's the collection of half-empty glasses on my bedside table
The photos that never turn out just right
The words that consistently come out all wrong
The list of things to do that never gets finished or even started
I don't know where to begin
because I don't know how I want to end
It's the hours I spend learning information
that brings me further and further away from what I will become
It's the fact that I'm running away from myself
while standing in place
It's that what I love the most is what scares me the most.
I love loving. I love being loved.
Yet I hide in the doorway, holding my breath
Until it's walked just far away enough for me to move again
The street is dark, the concrete, damp
I can see my breath
It lingers in the air until it's stale
Like the whispers that take place
when I'm just far away enough to hear
The warmth of your skin
It's enough to melt the cold
I'm racing, chasing myself
But I don't know where I'm going
Because I don't know where I'll end up.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The days when the sun doesn't set until nine
I can't keep up with the time
The days, the hours,
They're blurring together
My time is read by memories
Yesterday, Tomorrow
The time I've spent with you,
those hours are linked closest to my heart
My heartbeats are synchronized with each tick
The stopwatch is counting:
How long does it take to fall completely?