Forever guessing,

wondering why I'm sitting here waiting

Waiting for you to call,

for life to happen

for whatever it is that I need to find

To come into focus

Every thing's a blur.

I'm trapped in the dizziness

Of this selfish human life

I want people to feel loved

just by looking at me

I want to be able to make everyone smile

I don't want to be a cause of pain,

but a cause of change

for myself

and others

I want my blood to flow thick with hope

and happiness

An understanding of this world 

and how I want my world to be within the one I was forced to live on

Distance seems so inadequate,

so many faces I've never seen and will never see

So many stories I will never hear

Even if I do travel the world, I will still be missing billions of stories

of theories, of causes, and of love

I'm tired of feeling guilty to others and to myself

for living  on auto-pilot for so long

I'm going to experience things

and I'm not letting you go

I have a connection here on earth 

And I'm not willing to throw it away

Because of distance. 

Although it hurts

I believe every thing's going to fall into place

Distance can't break a connection

between souls, between a bond so strong

I am stronger than my heart leads me to think right now

I know I can do whatever it takes

What is right for me will come in time

I will know what to do

I will know how to live

An invisible hope surrounds my mind

Suffocating me in optimism

Enabling me to breath in the thought of your smile

Bringing one to my face

Even through my sadness

I have faith that happiness will find us

Our souls will continue to grow 

No matter where we physically stand in this world.

Words unsaid

Constantly

The truth bleeds out,

but continuously falls short.

Fallen lives, fallen dreams, fallen morals

Stale words in the backs of peoples' heads

Billions of people

with trillions of thoughts

If we would just all say how we really feel

Make a change when we feel the need

Would those stale words in the back of our heads

be replaced with bullets?

Too afraid to live our lives,

Our existence is wasting away.

Inconsistent thoughts

Meanings that switch, off and on

Circling around my head,

my body

Pulling at every limb

Separating my joints,

my tendons over-stretched.

As much as this world pulls me apart

My soul stays intact.

The hurt lingers on,

What purpose do I hold?

Who will accompany me through this anxiety-filled, questionable life?

Will my morals, my dreams continue to fill my brain

my heart, my actions?

Or will I forever be alone, hoping to meet someone to share these things with?

Will I settle with conforming?

My beliefs, stored away in a dusty box, in the back of the attic of my mind?

No, my conscious will never let me live that way... I will always be searching,

always be waiting, unless I find what I know I want.

Inhale; exhale

Inhale; exhale

I'll just get used to waiting.

I thought there was more to this

than a simple "one time" sort of thing

I thought there was something beautiful

a feeling of goodness

Yes, confusion is involved

as it always is when something somewhat new is sprouting

The changes have been made

I will never be the person you used to know 

My moods, my motives, have shifted

Away from control

Away from judgement

I am a positive beam of light now

I'm not saying that I'm not sad,

My heart is dizzy from spinning so much

going up and down in increments so fast,

I can hardly remember where it was last

But what touches me is just looking at your smile

Your touch,

the conversations,

The simple things

Those are the things I want.

The things I love.

Complicated immaturity

has been left in the dust

I would never go back to that.

But I see something, in the new,

the changes, they draw me in

If I could be with that smile

that touch,

those conversations

without barriers, quarrel, and immaturity

There would be nothing holding me back

Maybe it's not me that has held onto the past,

maybe it's not you either

I'm not sure what it is,

but I know that what I feel isn't just  a trip,

an opinion, a overexageration

What I feel is true

It is deep, new even

It's the feeling I've been waiting to feel

And I'm sure it has something to do with the changes I have felt growing within me

Out onto the surface, 

my changes noticing yours

Smiling at each other, even when trying to hold back

I won't stop smiling, not when I have the simple things

The simple things with you

Even if things aren't solid, or definite

The simple things don't have to be complicated

They aren't going to hold us back

I won't hold you back anymore

I will help push you forward,

while smiling at you by your side

or from afar

My smile is a result of you, 

your simple actions which show no fury

no tangles, no worries

I just don't want to lose yesterday

Simply yesterday with you,

I would be satisfied with that.

What is it about society that makes it so attractive to most people?
Is it the corrupted media?
The desire to be an exact replica of the person next to you?
The love of being surrounded endlessly by buildings towering over you,
appearing to judge you for being so small?
Drones walking around acting superior
Treating the ones that are different like dirt
What is so wrong with having individual thoughts? theories? actions?
This beautiful world has been over swept with ugliness, hate, and destruction
The trees which help us to breath in life, are cut down only for our love of fast-food industries,
meat, and money.
The water which keeps us alive is contaminated with pesticides, power which seeps deeper than the roots of the plants we call food
We are poisoned not only physically, but mentally.
Money RULES what we make of our lives.
Happiness is not impossible, but we need a change
I have made a pact to myself and this world that we live in
I will not promote the corporate hell that runs our nation
I will stand behind local farmers, rainforest alliances, and organic products.
I will NOT fall down anymore.
I am motivated and this bullshit society will not stop me now.

writing you letters

that i'll never send

you'll never see

the things i cannot say to you any longer

filling up pages and pages

i could write a book full of my feelings

but for now, i will keep them to myself

at least i'll try

for your sake

you need your time

your space

and it does hurt, but you mean enough to me

that i can try to help to remain silent

at least for now

so that we can start over

and that you can find your place in this world

but i hope you know 

that you will always have my feelings 

if you want them

whether they're hidden in a box

or filling up my notebooks

stacked high against my walls

or being created into a book, a work of art

my soul will always find you amazing and beautiful

no matter if we're together or not

there is no one in existence identical to you

i can say that without ever meeting more than 1% of the population

because there is no way there is another you

just like there is no way that there is anyone exactly like me out there

at least that's a bit of freedom, knowing that much

in this monotonous world

i hope you can find happiness and i hope that i can too

and whether it be as friends or more,

i hope that our happiness can always be connected