Thursday, August 20, 2009

I would really love to start over new. Get in my car, fill up my tank of gas, and drive until it runs on empty. Keep on going when the the little orange light flashes up at me, no matter where I am, I'll be happy. I might meet someone new, someone interesting, with a life story far better than mine. A story that breaks my heart with sadness and makes my eyes tear up in laughter. I wish I could know everyone, I get a sinking feeling inside with the fact that I never will. Millions of faces that I'll never see, with smiles that will stay forever worthless to me. I feel like that's not how it should be. I'm trapped in the world I've been raised in, but it's all my fault that I haven't gotten myself out of it yet. My car is sitting less than twenty feet away from my body, yet I hold myself back because I know I would cause disappointment. I have repetitive dreams where I get sliced up by ceiling fans, I wonder what that means. Or spinning my car out of control through the air and watching my clothes fly around the inside of my car in slow motion as the blood drips down my hands. And outside of my window birds fly past me, just living their lives while my car crashes down on the ground below them, but of course I don't die, I walk away from crushed metal that once was my car and all I wonder is what I'm doing with my life.


C.S. Perry said...

We all set out to kick the dust of our lives from our feet and set the world on fire.
But, more often than not, we find ourselves returning home to get more matches.
If you do set out...Head South. We tread a dark and bloody earth down here and the landscape is peopled with ghosts and the reverberations of lives past still ring loud at night in the ditches where the snakes hide and the cicadas sing their somber songs.
You haven't really lived until you've felt the Wild Southern Midnight rushing in through rolled-down windows and flowing across your body.

Claggie said...

I'll definitely take that into consideration. I've never really thought about where I'd go exactly, but that sounds exhilarating to say the least. Well put about the lives past, I really liked that.