Inconsistent thoughts

Meanings that switch, off and on

Circling around my head,

my body

Pulling at every limb

Separating my joints,

my tendons over-stretched.

As much as this world pulls me apart

My soul stays intact.

The hurt lingers on,

What purpose do I hold?

Who will accompany me through this anxiety-filled, questionable life?

Will my morals, my dreams continue to fill my brain

my heart, my actions?

Or will I forever be alone, hoping to meet someone to share these things with?

Will I settle with conforming?

My beliefs, stored away in a dusty box, in the back of the attic of my mind?

No, my conscious will never let me live that way... I will always be searching,

always be waiting, unless I find what I know I want.

Inhale; exhale

Inhale; exhale

I'll just get used to waiting.

I thought there was more to this

than a simple "one time" sort of thing

I thought there was something beautiful

a feeling of goodness

Yes, confusion is involved

as it always is when something somewhat new is sprouting

The changes have been made

I will never be the person you used to know 

My moods, my motives, have shifted

Away from control

Away from judgement

I am a positive beam of light now

I'm not saying that I'm not sad,

My heart is dizzy from spinning so much

going up and down in increments so fast,

I can hardly remember where it was last

But what touches me is just looking at your smile

Your touch,

the conversations,

The simple things

Those are the things I want.

The things I love.

Complicated immaturity

has been left in the dust

I would never go back to that.

But I see something, in the new,

the changes, they draw me in

If I could be with that smile

that touch,

those conversations

without barriers, quarrel, and immaturity

There would be nothing holding me back

Maybe it's not me that has held onto the past,

maybe it's not you either

I'm not sure what it is,

but I know that what I feel isn't just  a trip,

an opinion, a overexageration

What I feel is true

It is deep, new even

It's the feeling I've been waiting to feel

And I'm sure it has something to do with the changes I have felt growing within me

Out onto the surface, 

my changes noticing yours

Smiling at each other, even when trying to hold back

I won't stop smiling, not when I have the simple things

The simple things with you

Even if things aren't solid, or definite

The simple things don't have to be complicated

They aren't going to hold us back

I won't hold you back anymore

I will help push you forward,

while smiling at you by your side

or from afar

My smile is a result of you, 

your simple actions which show no fury

no tangles, no worries

I just don't want to lose yesterday

Simply yesterday with you,

I would be satisfied with that.

What is it about society that makes it so attractive to most people?
Is it the corrupted media?
The desire to be an exact replica of the person next to you?
The love of being surrounded endlessly by buildings towering over you,
appearing to judge you for being so small?
Drones walking around acting superior
Treating the ones that are different like dirt
What is so wrong with having individual thoughts? theories? actions?
This beautiful world has been over swept with ugliness, hate, and destruction
The trees which help us to breath in life, are cut down only for our love of fast-food industries,
meat, and money.
The water which keeps us alive is contaminated with pesticides, power which seeps deeper than the roots of the plants we call food
We are poisoned not only physically, but mentally.
Money RULES what we make of our lives.
Happiness is not impossible, but we need a change
I have made a pact to myself and this world that we live in
I will not promote the corporate hell that runs our nation
I will stand behind local farmers, rainforest alliances, and organic products.
I will NOT fall down anymore.
I am motivated and this bullshit society will not stop me now.

writing you letters

that i'll never send

you'll never see

the things i cannot say to you any longer

filling up pages and pages

i could write a book full of my feelings

but for now, i will keep them to myself

at least i'll try

for your sake

you need your time

your space

and it does hurt, but you mean enough to me

that i can try to help to remain silent

at least for now

so that we can start over

and that you can find your place in this world

but i hope you know 

that you will always have my feelings 

if you want them

whether they're hidden in a box

or filling up my notebooks

stacked high against my walls

or being created into a book, a work of art

my soul will always find you amazing and beautiful

no matter if we're together or not

there is no one in existence identical to you

i can say that without ever meeting more than 1% of the population

because there is no way there is another you

just like there is no way that there is anyone exactly like me out there

at least that's a bit of freedom, knowing that much

in this monotonous world

i hope you can find happiness and i hope that i can too

and whether it be as friends or more,

i hope that our happiness can always be connected

if you judge those who surround you

and the world

you must think yourself superior

which has no truth to it at all.

no one is superior to anyone else

our souls are equally divine,

equally beautiful

and equally individual

our judges are based on appearance.

on the physical matter of this world

and we can only judge with our physical matter.

if we lived through our souls,

judgement would not exist.

our souls transcend judgement, society, and comparisons.

we are but one wholly original mass of love, grace, and honesty

separate, we are individuality of all sorts, but none of which are negatively bound.

our souls have the ability to help us grow

and help us find our true human meaning

free from the hate and the constant struggles we find ourselves in

there is happiness in everything. 

you can't ignore the ugly society which surrounds you...

you must find a way to live amongst the hideous, 

but let your inner-beauty shine brighter 

than the darkness which covers our land

change is where the soul is

and happiness is where the change lies

we must be honest with ourselves.

love ourselves and others. for their souls.

for simply EXISTING.

there is no reason not to love.

love is a bit of heaven.

while loneliness is a bit of hell.

society teaches us to be selfish

and selfishness leads to loneliness.

we must love one another 

and after we have found out individual happiness,

we must share it with everyone.

selfishness is the downfall of man.

dishonesty, lies, and independence

(independence based on selfish desires to live without sharing your love and beauty with someone else)

positivity is key to a healthy world

and society is anything but positive.

i've been distracting myself from the constant pain
by surrounding myself with those who know me best
i told you i had given you all of my love
and that you had taken my entire heart
i still feel the hurt, the emptiness i felt
when our three year relationship brutally ended
but i have realized that my heart is a never-ending
producer of love
my love will never stop.
my love has been radiating out of my tired body
and into the hearts of my friends
my family, the ones that are here to help me and love me no matter what
i'm not saying i am hurting any less
because losing you is the hardest heartbreak i've ever had to deal with
but at least i know that through no matter what,
my soul will never stop loving.
i will never be able to give out "too much"
like i thought i had
if there was a limit, then what would love be?
just another norm set by society
the only thing that should rule love is what lies within us
we must have a never-ending supply 
or else love wouldn't be love.
marriage fails because people only give what they think is fair
when love ISN'T fair
Love ISN'T logical.
not only does one have an infinite amount of love to give,
but has the capacity to receive this same infinite love
we trap ourselves into thinking we don't deserve the love we receive
or that we can only "give so much"
which to some extent is true, but the truth is
love is ever-lasting, never gone, and will never die.
love thrives deeper within us
and outlives our frail bodies' by being infinite.
if our supply of love never-ends, then time has no limit to this love, either.
it's all about the soul, what's inside.
it's not physical or rational.
i hate how society has taught me to only give as much as i receive... 
because i have never been able to do that. i've always given more and for some reason felt guilty.
i should always give more and hope that someday the person i love will realize that they have this ability to infinitely direct love my way.
i know i can have this.

The song circling itself inside of my head

Replaying each word

The dizziness, overwhelming

The thoughts in my head

Drowning me beneath the fog

The unknown

I am alone

Beneath this vacillating uncertainty

The words fail to spill out;

verbally

Physically, each word falls down

each cheek, as the anxiety-filled liquid

wells up in each topaz-colored eye

"This loneliness is suffocating

these thoughts are burying me alive."

The sun shines through each gap between each blind.

My face appears dry,

yet layered with the moisture of my tears.

Each tear watering the seed of a new thought

A re-newed feeling of desolation

Each one, growing deeper than the last

The roots wrapping themselves around my body, my mind

Choking, pressing harder

The words will forever fail to be heard

If keeping my mouth shut comes so easily,

why can't I cut off my mind from these thoughts?

The reservoir has crashed over

Thoughts filling up each and every space, each second

that I thought I had to breath, now gone

Three words well over

The words I was dreading to hear myself say

"You are alone."