Friday, December 26, 2008

Forever guessing,
wondering why I'm sitting here waiting
Waiting for you to call,
for life to happen
for whatever it is that I need to find
To come into focus
Every thing's a blur.
I'm trapped in the dizziness
Of this selfish human life
I want people to feel loved
just by looking at me
I want to be able to make everyone smile
I don't want to be a cause of pain,
but a cause of change
for myself
and others
I want my blood to flow thick with hope
and happiness
An understanding of this world 
and how I want my world to be within the one I was forced to live on
Distance seems so inadequate,
so many faces I've never seen and will never see
So many stories I will never hear
Even if I do travel the world, I will still be missing billions of stories
of theories, of causes, and of love
I'm tired of feeling guilty to others and to myself
for living  on auto-pilot for so long
I'm going to experience things
and I'm not letting you go
I have a connection here on earth 
And I'm not willing to throw it away
Because of distance. 

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Although it hurts
I believe every thing's going to fall into place
Distance can't break a connection
between souls, between a bond so strong
I am stronger than my heart leads me to think right now
I know I can do whatever it takes
What is right for me will come in time
I will know what to do
I will know how to live
An invisible hope surrounds my mind
Suffocating me in optimism
Enabling me to breath in the thought of your smile
Bringing one to my face
Even through my sadness
I have faith that happiness will find us
Our souls will continue to grow 
No matter where we physically stand in this world.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Words unsaid
The truth bleeds out,
but continuously falls short.
Fallen lives, fallen dreams, fallen morals
Stale words in the backs of peoples' heads
Billions of people
with trillions of thoughts
If we would just all say how we really feel
Make a change when we feel the need
Would those stale words in the back of our heads
be replaced with bullets?
Too afraid to live our lives,
Our existence is wasting away.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Inconsistent thoughts
Meanings that switch, off and on
Circling around my head,
my body
Pulling at every limb
Separating my joints,
my tendons over-stretched.
As much as this world pulls me apart
My soul stays intact.
The hurt lingers on,
What purpose do I hold?
Who will accompany me through this anxiety-filled, questionable life?
Will my morals, my dreams continue to fill my brain
my heart, my actions?
Or will I forever be alone, hoping to meet someone to share these things with?
Will I settle with conforming?
My beliefs, stored away in a dusty box, in the back of the attic of my mind?
No, my conscious will never let me live that way... I will always be searching,
always be waiting, unless I find what I know I want.
Inhale; exhale
Inhale; exhale
I'll just get used to waiting.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I thought there was more to this
than a simple "one time" sort of thing
I thought there was something beautiful
a feeling of goodness
Yes, confusion is involved
as it always is when something somewhat new is sprouting
The changes have been made
I will never be the person you used to know 
My moods, my motives, have shifted
Away from control
Away from judgement
I am a positive beam of light now
I'm not saying that I'm not sad,
My heart is dizzy from spinning so much
going up and down in increments so fast,
I can hardly remember where it was last
But what touches me is just looking at your smile
Your touch,
the conversations,
The simple things
Those are the things I want.
The things I love.
Complicated immaturity
has been left in the dust
I would never go back to that.
But I see something, in the new,
the changes, they draw me in
If I could be with that smile
that touch,
those conversations
without barriers, quarrel, and immaturity
There would be nothing holding me back
Maybe it's not me that has held onto the past,
maybe it's not you either
I'm not sure what it is,
but I know that what I feel isn't just  a trip,
an opinion, a overexageration
What I feel is true
It is deep, new even
It's the feeling I've been waiting to feel
And I'm sure it has something to do with the changes I have felt growing within me
Out onto the surface, 
my changes noticing yours
Smiling at each other, even when trying to hold back
I won't stop smiling, not when I have the simple things
The simple things with you
Even if things aren't solid, or definite
The simple things don't have to be complicated
They aren't going to hold us back
I won't hold you back anymore
I will help push you forward,
while smiling at you by your side
or from afar
My smile is a result of you, 
your simple actions which show no fury
no tangles, no worries
I just don't want to lose yesterday
Simply yesterday with you,
I would be satisfied with that.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What is it about society that makes it so attractive to most people?
Is it the corrupted media?
The desire to be an exact replica of the person next to you?
The love of being surrounded endlessly by buildings towering over you,
appearing to judge you for being so small?
Drones walking around acting superior
Treating the ones that are different like dirt
What is so wrong with having individual thoughts? theories? actions?
This beautiful world has been over swept with ugliness, hate, and destruction
The trees which help us to breath in life, are cut down only for our love of fast-food industries,
meat, and money.
The water which keeps us alive is contaminated with pesticides, power which seeps deeper than the roots of the plants we call food
We are poisoned not only physically, but mentally.
Money RULES what we make of our lives.
Happiness is not impossible, but we need a change
I have made a pact to myself and this world that we live in
I will not promote the corporate hell that runs our nation
I will stand behind local farmers, rainforest alliances, and organic products.
I will NOT fall down anymore.
I am motivated and this bullshit society will not stop me now.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

writing you letters
that i'll never send
you'll never see
the things i cannot say to you any longer
filling up pages and pages
i could write a book full of my feelings
but for now, i will keep them to myself
at least i'll try
for your sake
you need your time
your space
and it does hurt, but you mean enough to me
that i can try to help to remain silent
at least for now
so that we can start over
and that you can find your place in this world
but i hope you know 
that you will always have my feelings 
if you want them
whether they're hidden in a box
or filling up my notebooks
stacked high against my walls
or being created into a book, a work of art
my soul will always find you amazing and beautiful
no matter if we're together or not
there is no one in existence identical to you
i can say that without ever meeting more than 1% of the population
because there is no way there is another you
just like there is no way that there is anyone exactly like me out there
at least that's a bit of freedom, knowing that much
in this monotonous world
i hope you can find happiness and i hope that i can too
and whether it be as friends or more,
i hope that our happiness can always be connected